Me being homo is better than your swag

Hm.

2011-02-01T00:52:00.000-08:00

Hey, Blogger. I'm going to use you for very personal vents.
And tonight, I'm not feeling too well.

It's that sick feeling when you want to think positively but there's nothing but darkness in your mind. You can't find the switch to brighten up the room in your head to find what you're looking for.

Anyway... I just feel really uneasy.
Life has really gotten me on its hook and dragging me at the surface of the water like I'm a trout struggling to get loose.

I was just being

2009-10-27T18:50:00.000-07:00

Even.

Hide it from me. When I know, flaunt it. Just know, I'll just shove it back right in your face because I don't know what games you're playing.

It's kinda quiet

2009-10-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Days are silent.

that is all.

Doubts

2009-10-07T14:04:00.000-07:00

Why don't you just tell me everything?
I tell you what's on my mind and you brush it off like it's nothing.
But you avoid telling me what's on yours and you just avoid speaking to me or "breaking ice". I'm your boyfriend... so what's so hard?
So everyday, there are too many distractions preventing you to speak to me?
That's so hard to believe. Prove it.

Guhh...

2009-10-05T17:36:00.000-07:00

Bạn đang đẩy tôi vào các giới hạn của tôi. Anh không biết những gì bạn đang cố gắng để chứng minh, nhưng anh xin lỗi cho bất cứ điều gì anh đang làm để kích động bạn. Đó là cảm thấy mệt mỏi bỏ rơi tất cả thời gian ...

Bạn đang rất đạo đức giả khi nói đến một số loại muốn quan tâm. Bạn không thích thú khi tôi đưa ra một câu trả lời từ hoặc có nghĩa là tất cả thời gian. Và khi bạn làm điều đó, anh để cho nó lăn xuống trở lại của anh vì ... tốt, bạn nên biết!

Anh cố gắng để đối đầu với bạn bằng cách đưa ra tín hiệu rằng tôi điên lúc bạn nhưng anh quá yếu để được điên quá lâu. Bạn chỉ có thể nói xin lỗi để có được sự chú ý của anh. Bạn đang gây tổn thương cho anh một chút.

Sigorado ka?

2009-10-04T10:08:00.000-07:00

我不知道你很忙，或者如果你只是不小心。
有一點是肯定的：我覺得被忽視。
你喜歡別人，你想好惹的？
你認為這是不公平的，我試圖努力，你也讓所有的目光？

你確信你愛我嗎？
你肯定你是真的對我...

我發現了很多的東西，你說
通過別人，只是通過我自己的直覺。

疼，但已經有一段時間，因為你這樣做。
我已經忍受了這麼多，我開始也只讓你得到你想要的，我只得向你餵養不小心...

我不是你的母親。
我是你的男朋友。
我是人，你也應該愛。
我不是動物是誰縱容只是需要注意的。

因為當我說，我的意思是...

Busy or what?

2009-09-30T17:04:00.001-07:00

Just the smallest things can be such a handful. Short essays to just taking photos of the people around me. Even texting get's pretty hard.

I don't know what's been up with you lately but life is NEVER as busy as it may seem.
Of course, there may be at some points where everything is squeezed into one schedule; but you know, there's always a break to just put it all down. The thing is, once I put everything down, I tend to avoid picking it back up LOL! Then I'm left with all this stress, however, I think that the pressure gets me to do things much more efficiently.

Rambling. I know. HAHA... I'm slacking off. Anyway, I should tell you about my schedule for the next few days.

Tomorrow:
-Vocalist meeting: decide on a song *Voting for Halo HAHA
-Cheerleading practice
-Dance practice right after ChrL. (might possibly skip it because yeah...)
-Finish "Genius" assignment for Challenges and Change
-Go shopping
Friday:
-Redeem ideas and continue with vocalist meeting
-Dance practice with CS.
-Mail Birthday Card to Tommy.
-Mail money to Janie Vu for the Sweaters.
-Last minute fix up on choreo
Saturday:
-Happy Birthday Tommy!
-Finalize Choreo to Drowning and teach at 9am.
-Volunteer at Vietnamese fall classic, take photos
-Start on anaphora column for writer's craft.

Yeah.

...

W00T! Everything is going to just fall into place... LOL I hope...
I'm losing it.

Ambiguous

2009-09-27T09:00:00.000-07:00

^ I hate that.

If anybody has to say something about me, I expect them to tell it to me.
If anybody makes an implication about something negative, I get aggravated when they say things immorally and make it seem like it's a joke. Nah, fuck you. I want to know.
If anybody has something against me, I won't give a rats ass if you confront me. Just don't be a fucker about it.
If anybody upsets me, then I'll just ignore you. Or I'll be a douchebag and give you one word responses, or make our dialogue bland. I won't give a fuck about you (or try not to) until you give a fuck about me.

lol that is all.

lawlz

2009-09-25T19:45:00.000-07:00

People anger me.

People, fucking, anger me.

Since everyone's so negative

2009-09-24T17:07:00.000-07:00

I chose to be negative, also. For fuck sakes; today started off well and now I'm just pissed off out of my mind. I absolutely hate it when people just vent their anger or some shit like that without telling me. For instance a few conversations will go as followed:

Me: Oh hey! How're you?
Them: ... -stomps away, ignoring everything-
Me:...okay? Thanks. I'm good too.

Me: Yo [insert name here]. Any plans?
Them: FUCK STFU YOU'RE MAKING ME ANGRY
Me: Okay.

Me: Hi :D How was your day.
Them: It was shit. I don't want to talk about it.
Me: Awe! Probably better than mine.
Them: Yeah, sure.
Me: ...

OKAY LIKE SERIOUSLY?! I'm being fucking considerate and putting a fucking concern for you and it's like I'm just there as some sort of punching bag. Really? I know I'm laid-back but ultimately I have feelings too. You can say whatever you want to me but don't ruin my day by making it seem like I essentially made it worse!

I'm a person to be there and talk to you and shit and if you don't want to talk about it or anything or if you're going to hide being "okay" then don't fucking display bullshit like that to me. Just be fucking honest and I'll just stfu because I'll understand!

God dammnit.

I'm almost at my limit. I can get attention, but not the way I expect it to be. Next time, I'm just going to pretend like I'm nice. IDGAF if you're having a shit day now.

Y'all are unbelievable.

Logic vs Intuition

2009-09-15T17:21:00.000-07:00

Everytime I think about us, it just occurs to me that we'll be fine. Because emotionally I'm stuck loving you until (god forbid) that one day you cut ties between us.

Logically, I have doubts because we're so far.

What I can say is, is that commitment is no problem for me and I'll make it easier for you somehow.

I don't know... can't explain.

I mean it when I add 143 together.

Speechless

2009-09-13T08:12:00.001-07:00

Easily bothered.

Jealousy is just overwhelming.

I want to say it but I can't.

I just smile your way like everything's okay.

I just need to filter

2009-09-05T18:32:00.000-07:00

I don't know wth is going on with me, lately. Maybe it could be because I miss him a lot. Honestly, I'm putting my all into the relationship, but this distance is holding me back. I got a job but I have lots of debt. to pay. Also, this year is my senior year and it's going to be hella busy. So fml? But I made a date for October, and it's set. I'm going to Toronto to visit whether he likes it or not.

But that wasn't really what's been bothering me(at least, not in immensly). It's how things are just... distant. I've become more lonelier than I ever been and it's just causing insanity. Likewise, I'd have to work a lot harder and focus more. My capability of doing all this is exhausting. I just want to get through this year like I would do every year smoothly.

I just think too much. I'm losing myself and I have no idea who I am anymore. I'm changing drastically and it's causing me to contemplate a lot of things.

In terms of relationship, I don't know whether to be protective or not. I can't allow myself to provocatively say "no" because it nudges me saying that it'll cause conflict. I'm just a sucker.

In terms of the school environment, I don't know how I'm juggling so much with bad work habits.

In terms of motivation, I'm just... lost.

I can tell anybody everything, I just don't want the comforting to be such a burden.

-John Yip.

FYI

2009-08-26T16:49:00.001-07:00

When I'm "moody" and I tell you, you're doing something wrong. And if I'm mad and you hear it indirectly, you're hurting me.

That is all.

It's just the little thing

2009-08-14T10:59:00.000-07:00

To start you off and get going. But those little things will grow into something bigger; lack your knowledge and fail to cease your doubtful conscience, you will have the emotional attachment rubbing on briar. It is not their fault for their wrong doing, it is yours due to-- well, nothing. Nothing but lingering thoughts. Thoughts that you very well know will never happen. Impossible is the impossible. Whether it be negative or positive; if so it has no logic to how it will actually happen, then it will not happen. Newtons third law doesn't only apply to physical aspects, but also happens mentally and emotionally. "For every action, there's an equal and opposite reaction," So it states.

You ask, "Then why do I think of hurt and pain? Is it my insecurities?"
Very well, indeed. Your insecurities. But what has this person done to have you succumb to defeat? Nothing but love.

Love is a tender thing with pricks and bones as you swallow the feeling. But the person giving you the love does not intend to do the things that may eventually give you pain. It's inevitable. If they chose to stay with you, and if they sincerely do love you, is there a reason to have despiteful feelings? Pitiful. You are just, but only pathetically speaking. You love, but you doubt. You say you try but love doesn't test the "trying", but only the willing. Now you claim to be willing; do you know what willing is?

Nobody does.

Everybody will be their own judge upon their own actions; having only the greatest criticism. Possibly there are some who give poor judgement and will dwell in the midst of infatuation and lust. Often missing the "perfect" ingredient by drowning themselves with the cliché "it's okay" phrase.

In conclusion, the answer is within your faith. That that little thing will be your equation to "forever".

143.

Anxiety?

2009-08-08T12:00:00.001-07:00

For the past week, I've been here in Tampa Bay, Florida; and hell, it's a fucking blast. But recently, I've been through a lot of thought comas. I've zoned out countless times because of "thinking". I feel like time made me distant but then again it's schedules. FFS :(. I want to stay here but I don't. I'll be too far. So ultimately my decision is "GO TO YOUR BUMBLE BEE!" <3 LMFAO

I really do miss my whiteboy/korean-looking viet boy but is related to lam(b). :( I are coming home soon LA.

Ex-close friends, and their way of implying things

2009-07-22T16:45:00.000-07:00

What's been really bugging me lately are people who try act nice to you but really don't. Ok so my "friend"; actually allow me to address a synopsis:

Let's name this friend Terence. (Sorry, I couldn't think of another name that didn't sound so cliché like BOB. And I love to use him as a target XD -Vyvy, you can tell him) And yes, I'm still mad about this. -__-

Well so Terence and I dated for almost a year until we broke up. Like within the relationship, I was the dominant one; I risked everything and all that jazz (Going to Toronto or wherever outside of Ottawa that's about more than 5 hours away). I gave Terence money whenever needed and put my "needs" before his. Well, because I felt like I would be a better boyfriend if I did. Eh, I was apparently.--- Ok back to the point-- we went out, all that stuff and we broke up.

Knowing most of you, I told you what the hell happened. Like I'm going to emphasize this again: DISTANCE DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU TRULY LOVE SOMEONE. IT'S NOT IMPOSSIBLE... SO HOW THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I BUSSED ALL THE WAY DOWN FOR YOU? Matter of transportation. Fucking no brainer!

But yeah so recently, we've started to talk again. I had to break the ice and shit by saying hello and I abruptly went personal but not nosy enough to call me nosy. So quote:

Me: So how's the love life
Him: Not interested, and not looking o_o
Me: Oh really? Why's that.
Him: Because you don't have to be with somebody all the time...just saying.

^ Uh, you're with somebody all the time unless you're in solitary confinement. And as if you said that to me. That was so fucking blunt why didn't you take another approach on your statement. I've went through almost 3 boys after you and now you're just a bitch? Like what the fuck?

So he says he's not looking... and so he says, "I'm just saying". Idiot, do you think I'm a dumbass because I act clueless most of the time? You're just oblivious and it thrills me that you get so angry over not-so-very serious things. I booked him lying to me because I was talking with another friend of mine and he said that Terence is camming with him saying "I can't believe I'm falling in love with you already." Terence has no idea that me and that guy are really close friends.

And to bring up the "why so serious, when it's not serious" talk, it angered me because he asked me why I was trying to start up something. For fuck sakes, why would I start something? Are you dumb? And even if I did, I have the authority to be mad because you put no fucking effort into the relationship. Calling me clingy? You should be thankful I did everything for you. I should be the one calling you a gold digger. Don't give me that "I never used you" bullshit. I'm realizing how stupid I was...

Even now, I still ask for a visit and all you fucking give me is "no I'm good".

After all those arguments, YOU CALLED ME CLINGY, A LIAR, but what? What are you? You're such a slew for materials and you lie to me. You're worse than being clingy. AND NO SHIT I WAS "CLINGY", long distance relationship? You'd always make me feel bad whenever I go out with the "fine... ditch me" shit. So I'm obliged to text you or something. But whenever you go out, you're so annoyed with me so I leave you alone. And yet you still complain because I neglect you? Count your blessings.

God this was a waste of time -___- but I swear so was he. Just wanted to get this off my back. and LOL it went from 3rd person to first person. This rant was just out there. So yeah hahahaha.

Finally ranted.

:)

2009-07-16T19:51:00.000-07:00

Koy Huk Chow Superman. Chow hawn lai ;] kirbz___ like LOL! s2

I Lied to Myself

2009-07-15T11:24:00.000-07:00

I still miss the last one who said I love you before superman. Yes, I thought I moved on quick because I also thought I was strong enough to just let go. Thoughts, thoughts and more thoughts?!

I don't know, maybe I miss you, but it's the fact that I don't want to go back. Let's just keep going; even if it hurts just a tiny bit. But if whatever happens we end up holding hands again, I'll be sure to say "don't let go". <3

But for now, I don't want to spoil anything I have with other people. Down low? Perhaps. But hey, this hippo wants you to know I'm still here. And whenever you need me, John Yip has room for more than one to hug.

Read this guys, I wrote down what I was thinking around 3 in the morning. My writing got a bit lopsided but it's still legible :D:

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e72/gwapong_pnoy/MyStyle.jpg

<_<

2009-07-14T17:56:00.000-07:00

As much as I try
it's hard not to cry.

I claim that I'm strong enough,
but emotions have become a rough.

"I love you" was rather thrown back and forth,
at a careless range like walking through an unlocked door.

Was it really sincere? Was it actually for real?
I know I was, and for sure my thoughts that was at appeal.

But no, I doubted my own theory and motto;
Knowledge is worth more than thoughts in sequence of a lotto.

Yes, I am very frequent upon discussing my feelings.
For that I need a filter; not hidden faces and identities.

So forth I'm still moving; forward as many of you can say.
Living life to the fullest and recovering from delay.

At first and foremost, I still smile with who made me sad.
Eventually one day, there's going to be somebody who will always keep me glad.

In summary of who I may think of that will be,
is certainly, what the future keeps as a mystery.

John Yip, 2009

Just to start fresh

2009-07-14T16:48:00.000-07:00

Originally I posted blogs on my xanga, but what's the point of posting it in a place that's completely desolate? Well whatever! Here I am, on blogspot. Trying to stay with the "program".

Wow, I have to make a distinct highlight of what happened yesterday. Ok so, it was the first time I got cheated on. I felt a little bit of betrayal, however; it's my own fault. I put too much trust in someone that I just met and allowed myself to believe in his words; I'm too easily love struck. So here's the story:

This one day, he informed that his ex boyfriend was coming back to visit from Hong Kong and asked me if he should go see him. And I, being selfless, didn't want to sound so insecure so I told him it's better off seeing someone you won't be seeing as often as you would be. Being trusted, he hid himself and drowned my cellphone in text messages of what he was doing. It was normal but it was too casual for me to think that they haven't done anything intimate. Having myself being mislead in his words.

A week later, he confessed that he slept the night with him and stuffed words in my mouth and forcefully vomited out. That he broke up our relationship on my behalf because he cheated on me? I was willing to to give him another chance because in more depth of his reasons, he thought this relationship wouldn't work out. His doubts... his doubts? Is that it?

In any case, I'm mostly over it. Haha ^^;

WAIT LOL

2009-07-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

Testing :3